"We Can Be Together Forever Someday..."

Dear Grace,

I've been thinking a lot lately about the many blessings I've had in my life. Naturally this started back on Thanksgiving and my efforts to try and develop an attitude of gratitude, but the more I reflected over just the past two years of my life, the more overwhelmed I've felt by all of the blessings I've had in my life. I feel like I've lived an entire lifetime in just two years, and I can honestly say that if I walked out the door today and got hit by a bus, I would die a truly fulfilled and happy woman. Let me share with you just some of the highlights: I got to live in London for four life-changing months...

I traveled all over Europe...

...twice.

I let my hair down for a couple of summers and drove a scooter (still miss you, Mushu!!!)

I moved in and made friends with the most amazing group of roommates I've ever had...

...or ever will have.

I met amazing and inspiring people who changed me for the better...

I said goodbye to two of my sisters, Brooke and Holly...

 

...I reconnected with Holly and her beautiful children before she died...

I went on a road trip along the California coast with my friends...

...twice.

I finally did things I'd been wanting to do for YEARS like the Festival of Colours and Vegas and Zions...

...and was so glad I'd waited because I got to share those experiences with my dearest friends.

I made friends with a new group of roommates who I absolutely love and am enjoying getting to know better...

I have my crazy, goofy, weird, mixed-up family who all keep coming back like a bad penny (you all know I love you!)

I have my dream job at Studies Weekly, where I look forward to working full-time once I graduate!

I could keep going, but this alone is overwhelming.

Today I've been an emotional wreck for wonderful reasons. I got a letter in the mail from Bailey, who's out on her mission in Washington right now. In the letter she spoke of the most tender part of our friendship, and I was reminded once again of how much she changed me for the better. Sometimes we hit points in life when reaching out and taking hold of the savior's hand isn't possible for us because of fear or pain or whatever else. In those times, I'm convinced that God sends people to us to bring us back to the fold and help find Him again. For me, that person was Bailey.

As I was telling Mom about that letter today, it really hit me just what a God-send she was to me, and how much I miss having that girl in my life. That's pretty much where the cry-fest started. I just felt so overwhelmed that Heavenly Father would put so many special people into my life for me - just for me - to love me and be my friends, examples, and teachers. I have no doubt Bailey is doing the same with many other lost souls like me in Washington, and that countless others will one day find their joy and gratitude for her in their hearts overflowing from their eyes just as I did today.

Then I got a postcard in the mail from Lizzy today. Between her living in California and preparing to go on her mission to Texas (Spanish speaking, yeah baby!), it's been tough not knowing when our lives will bring us back together again. She signed the postcard with, "Someday in the future, I'm gonna come back to you."

This sent me into a new bout of swollen heart and teary eyes as I reflected over yet another amazing person who I love dearly and who changed me for the better. I remembered the day she took me to my first real concert (Ingrid Michaelson), and how she put her arms around me at the end of the song "Maybe." (the words go "Maybe in the future you're gonna come back around"). It's crazy how much she and I went through together in just one year.

There were a few other things that added to my joy and gratitude after this in regards to other matters that I feel are too sacred to write about on here, but what I can tell you is that it had to do with an answer to my prayers in regards to Holly and Brooke that I didn't see until tonight.

My heart was already full from all of this, and by this point Mom and Dad and I were heading out to go to the Carols by Candlelight. When we got there, you, Erica, Jason, and Garrison were already there waiting for us, and I was overjoyed to be there with you sharing in one of my favorite Christmas traditions. Hannah once told me that I have what is called "musical intelligence." In simple English, this means that music speaks to me. Tonight as I sat listening to the songs about Jesus coming into the world, I felt what I would describe as the true spirit of Christmas wrapping its arms around me in the purest warmth and joy.

When I got home tonight I sat down at the piano to play some Christmas songs before bed, and I started playing "I Cry the Day I Take The Tree Down" from Michael Mclean's "The Forgotten Carols." As I played and sang, I got to the part where the words go "I'm dreaming of Christmases when we'll be together again" and the memory of the first time I ever heard that song suddenly hit me.

Five years ago I wrote on this very blog of the Forgotten Carols:

"My favorite part of the show is at the very end, when the composer has everyone in the audience link arms with one another and sing 'We can be together forever someday.' There was something so special in that moment that I can never describe. As I linked arms with a total stranger next to me, I felt a special kind of love for her, and for everyone in that auditorium. For all those people that I’d never met before, I felt a familiar connection to. I knew that they were my family, that we were all children of God, and that I had known them in the life before this. I was touched to be reminded that we will all be together again with God and with Jesus Christ in the next life.

Then, as I felt this and thought of this, I got choked up because I started thinking about you and your mom and Garrison. Somehow I knew—I don’t know how or when it will happen—but I just knew that we would be together forever someday."

I had forgotten receiving that witness from the spirit so long ago that you and I would be together for Christmas again someday, and tonight as I sang that song it all came back to me and I broke down in tears of gratitude yet again. Sometimes it seems like too much for a wretch like me. I find myself feeling like Ebeneezer Scrooge from A Christmas Carol when he says at the end of the story, "I don't deserve it; I don't deserve to be this happy...but I can't help it."

At this time of year I've been thinking more and more about the reason we celebrate Christmas, and what the birth of Christ really meant for all of us. For so many years now, Christmas was always about giving and receiving gifts and celebrating the birth of Christ for me. But now...now Christmas is a reminder to me that my sisters have not been torn away because of death or sin. They are not lost or forgotten about in some storm-tossed sea. They're spending Christmas with Jesus this year. And because He lives, they live. I know this gospel is true. I know that Jesus Christ was born into the world to atone for us. And because of this, I know that my family and I can all be together forever someday. To me, that alone is perhaps the greatest Christmas gift of all.

Merry Christmas, Gracie, I love you so much.

All my love,

<3 Katie Jo

A Bright and Beautiful Future

Dear Grace,

I celebrated my birthday last month, and I have to say, it was QUITE the best birthday I've had in many a year.

For one thing, I walked in to work to find my work station looking like this:

And for another thing, everyone in the room proceeded to jump up from their desks and run at me to give me a giant group hug. My coworkers are the best group of people EVER!!! Seriously though, those guys always make me feel so loved and appreciated. I love working for this company where I feel like I belong. Studies Weekly FTW!

Next, after work Hannah and I got all dolled up (and I FINALLY got to wear my fancy dress!), borrowed my mom's car, and went to dinner at La Caille up in Sandy.

(Fabulous hairstyle courtesy of awesome roommate Cassandra Walker)

The establishment was absolutely GORGEOUS, and I admit that Hannah and I both swooned at the sight of the entrance. I've never had valet parking before, but that only added to the charm of the evening for me XD

(Giant walrus head in the entryway)

Hannah whispered to me while we were waiting for our food that some of the other patrons in the restaurant were staring at me. I can only guess that I was so elegantly dressed that they must have been wondering if I was a celebrity. Whatever the reason, it was my flipping birthday. I WAS a celebrity!

Afterward we drove home jamming out to Iggy's "Fancy" and enjoyed a display of fireworks as we drove past Thanksgiving Point. I don't care what you say the fireworks were for, they were in honor of my birthday.

The next weekend was Halloween, and Hannah joined me and the family down to St. George for some Hallow's Eve mischief. The family and I went to Thriller that Friday night, and the day of Halloween Hannah and I found ourselves wandering the grounds at the St. George temple.

I adore the Payson temple because of it's distinctly European architecture and style, but St. George still remains my favorite temple in the whole world.

We walked around the grounds taking pictures and having some laughs, and then we sat down under the rose garden canopy and talked of things we've both been going through lately, the things in our hearts, and of our hopes for the future. Hannah and I both love those moments in life when we get to have these kinds of meaningful conversations with people, which is why our friendship is so special.

I feel such a deep excitement and joy building within me as time passes in regards to the temple, and I'll share with you why this is: I'm going to go through the temple to take out my endowments this spring. The circumstances regarding how I came to this decision feel a bit too sacred and personal for me to share, but I can tell you that I felt unsure about whether or not to make this decision until I went to my first temple prep class. Something truly amazing happened that night, and because of it, every uncertainty and reservation I'd ever had was gone.

I can hardly wait until that day comes, but there's also another reason I feel filled with so much hope and happiness over the prospect of going through the temple. On April 30th this spring, I will not only get to be present for my sister Holly's temple work, but I will have the honor of being her proxy. I always regretted that there were so many things I was unable to help her with when she was alive, but I feel so blessed now to be given the opportunity to do this for her. Spring can't get here soon enough!

Then that night Hannah dressed up as a robber for Halloween...

...so naturally we had to shoot a video of her doing the thief walk/run to the sounds of "Smooth Criminal" ...

...and I honestly didn't know what I was until we walked past a home that was for sale...

Yes, we know. We're two sides of the same doofus coin. And we freaking love it.

Anyway, we finished the night by going to a Halloween dance at Dixie University, and the next day (Sunday) we went to Zion's national park before making the long journey back up north.

("Nothing to see here!")

I'm always joking with Hannah that she's my pre-husband, because the man I marry one day will have a pretty high standard to meet as far as how awesome her and my relationship is. I'm so grateful for our friendship, and the amazing example and support this girl constantly continues to be for me.

I also look forward to this spring, because this girl is FINALLY going to move in with me for a semester!!! As of yesterday, Hannah has officially signed a contract for my apartment, and things worked out so beautifully as far as a spot opening up for her to fill. It's crazy how the Lord works, but I see now why everything worked out the way that it did. Back in the fall, Hannah felt impressed that it wasn't time for her to move out yet. I was frustrated with this until I saw the friendships that needed to be formed first between my roommates before Jamie left on her mission.

Now that she'll be leaving us in January, it will at last be time for Hannah to join us in our little apartment family, and I predict many new adventures and experiences are going to find us. I just know so many beautiful things are coming our way, and I can hardly wait for this next adventure in our lives to get started!

I love you so much, Gracie, and I'm keeping you in my prayers.

All my love,

<3 Katie Jo

Humility

Dear Grace,

It's been a little while since I had anything I felt like I could write about, but after some recent learning experiences, I thought I would share what I could of some things that have been on my mind of late.

For a long time now, I'd been struggling to find answers to my prayers and questions. I was dealing with a lot of hurt inside, and admittedly I was filled with a lot of anger. The longer I didn't gain any understanding or answers, the more hurt I felt, and the angrier I became with God. Eventually I became so impatient and frustrated that I started acting out of anger.

Through certain experiences, I eventually got pretty beaten down emotionally, and strangely not too much later I started getting answers to my questions. I couldn't understand why God was choosing to speak to me now, when I had been acting like a child throwing a tantrum. I eventually came to realize that it was because I didn't have any anger left in me. Granted, circumstances had more or less beaten that anger out of me, but I was finally in a place where I was humble enough to listen.

It's strange that I should forget that humility is the key to inspiration. I recently studied what it means to be humble. I'd always associated humility with phrases like "Oh, I'm nothing special," or "I'm not that great," as though being humble was recognition of being imperfect. But really, to be humble means you're teachable.

It doesn't imply a lot of negative self-talk to keep you from being proud. On the contrary, I think we need to recognize our worth and walk around every day with the idea in mind of "I'm a child of God; therefore, I'm freakin' dope!"

But while you should recognize that you are good and of worth, it's also equally important to understand that you're never done learning or improving yourself. To be humble means your heart and mind are open to answers and solutions that might differ from your own. And let's be honest, have you ever been very teachable when you're angry?

So my advice to you today is this: don't give God the silent treatment. Be real with Him when you talk to Him. Tell Him when you're angry - with Him or otherwise; tell Him when you're hurt; tell Him when you don't trust Him, or when you have doubts; but most importantly, go to Him with these things with the intent in your heart to problem solve.

What I mean is, don't go to Him when your anger is at its peak and demand answers, and then conclude that He's not listening when you don't get anything. For example, I recently got very angry at Hannah for something, oddly enough, and I refused to talk to her until I knew I had calmed down enough to think and speak reasonably. Had I chosen to speak with her while I was still fuming, it wouldn't have mattered what she said to me; I would have turned any explanation she might have offered against her.

Pain and anger are powerful tools the adversary uses against us to get us to turn away from God, and if he can use them together, they make for a very destructive force to reckon with. It becomes very difficult to break away, and takes a long time to rebuild if you fall victim to this trap.

I love you Gracie, and I hope you're doing well.

All my love,

<3 Katie Jo

"I'm On A Horse"

Dear Grace,

I have a few lovely things to share with you today, but first! I realized that I never shared any photos of my new apartment with you!

Behold! The view from our lovely balcony:

(We sometimes like to scope out the hot tub for attractive people we can go down to meet) 

Also, the only photos I've bothered to take of my place so far were for bragging rights about the Halloween decor, courtesy of yours truly. You're welcome.

I like living at Raintree, but I must admit to some homesickness for Cinnamon tree. I think I just need a little more time to grow to love this place and the people just as much :)

Speaking of the people, meet my new roomies! (Again, I wanted to play with my camera, so I dragged them all up to Squaw Peak for a roommate fall photoshoot)

(Left to right: Cassandra, Kira, Makelle, Jamie, & Meghan) 

Something awesome that happened recently was that Cassandra contacted me a few days before general conference to tell me that she had a couple of extra tickets to the afternoon session and wanted to know if Hannah and I wanted to come. Hannah and I were like, "HECK YEAH we wanna come!"

It was such privilege to have the opportunity to go, and what an honor to be there for the sustaining of the new apostles!

I greatly admire Cassandra. She's a very energetic and passionate personality, with a laugh that I find completely infectious. I'm so grateful I get to have her as a roommate this year.

Here, I have a confession to make. About a month or so ago I got in touch with an old guy friend of mine, and we dated for a little while. I'm very grateful to have had that experience and for everything that I learned from it, but one of my greatest regrets is that I let myself get so caught up in spending time with him that I neglected getting to know my roomies, and I also started to neglect my friends and family.

Things ended up not working out between he and I, but in spite of my neglect, my heart is full at the love, acceptance, and understanding my dear friends have shown me. They had every right in the world to be angry with me for basically ditching them to chase after a cute boy, but they have shown me nothing but love and welcome since he and I broke up.

(First girl's night out in a while!)

I'm shifting my focus now, and although I'll be working through the healing process again, I'm looking toward my future with a lot of hope for new opportunities to learn and grow.

Recently my dear, dear friend Madeline got married, and I had the opportunity to be a bridesmaid and attend her wedding and reception.

(Meghan and I share the joke at our apartment that we're married, and jokingly call each other "Wifey")

The reception was fun, because we five summer roommates got to have a little reunion and take a photo together.

(Left to right: Yours truly, Jarumi, Madeline, Meghan, & Rachel) 

Madeline and Rafael have been an interesting couple to watch through the progression of their relationship. On more than one occasion I went to Rafael for relationship and dating advice, and was deeply impressed with the deep respect and love he and Madeline have for each other. Watching the way they interact with and speak to one another...I guess all I could think was "What must it be like to have someone love and care about you like that?"

I think the thing that really got to me more than anything else was when I went to Madeline's bridal shower, and they were playing a game where they asked her questions about Rafael. They got to the question "What would you say is your favorite quality he has?"

Madeline looked at the floor to ponder this for a moment, and then she bent her head and covered her face with her hand. Presently she looked up, with tears in her eyes and said, "The respect with which he treats the women in his life."

I felt a knot in my own throat and I looked away. Her words have stuck with me. What must it feel like to be treated with that level of respect by the one you love? I'm so grateful to know that she has such a good man to build her life with - I know they will be very happy :)

I'm happy to say that things have been progressing in my relationships with my roomies lately. We've been going on random adventures together of late, and I've very much been enjoying getting to know these girls better. Roommate Jamie will be leaving us in January to serve a mission in Rome, but I hope to get to know her better before she goes.

My last adventure of late was this weekend. Hannah and I had made plans to drive down south to visit Zion's and go to Vegas, but things kind of fell apart at the last minute and we ended up staying home for the weekend, much to my disappointment. So Hannah, being the chipper and cheerful little rosebud that she is found us an alternative for Saturday: horseback riding.

*Sigh* Sometimes I have no idea why Hannah puts up with me when I'm being such a grump, but again, I'm grateful that she does, and once again I'm so grateful to call her my best friend :)

("I'm on a horse." #oldspice)

That's all for today, but I love you, Gracie, and I hope you're doing well.

<3 Katie Jo

You're My Best Friend

Dear Grace,

I'm going to do something new with this post today; something different. After perhaps the thousandth time of going on a drive to have rambling conversations and deep-belly laughs with my best friend Hannah last night, I realized that I've never told you the story of our friendship.

Our story begins with a lonely girl in her sophomore year of high school, sitting in a hallway at the end of the school day waiting for her ride to come pick her up.

(High-School-age Hannah and Me!)

Me. That girl was me. Like most young teens, I'd experienced my share of feeling odd and out of place in the world over the years, but I had never in my life had any trouble making friends until high school. So, having retreated into my shell, I never expected that someone might reach out to me.

Until one day....I remember distinctly I was sitting on the floor reading a book, determined to ignore the world around me, when out of the corner of my eye I noticed a tall blonde girl walking down the hallway toward me. I didn't think anything of it until a bright and cheerful voice said: "Hi!"

I glanced up to see who she was talking to, and was a little surprised when I realized that this girl with the great big smile on her face was addressing me. I remember thinking "Does she think I'm someone else?" "Do I know this girl?" And I was further surprised when she sat down next to me, introduced herself, and asked me my name and what I was reading. She continued chatting with me, and all the while I kept thinking, "Why is this girl talking to me?" "What does she want?"

I was honestly a little weirded out by the experience, but when my ride came to pick me up I said goodbye and went on my merry way, never expecting to see her again.

Until the next day. She came back again. And she sat and talked to me until my ride came. Again. And as far as I can remember, she kept coming back and finding me there every day. I couldn't help feeling suspicious.

Why was this random girl being so nice to me? What was her motive? What did she want?

I didn't like it.

Then she started finding me at lunch in the commons area or in the cafeteria and asking to sit with me. It was at that point that I started to wonder if maybe she didn't have any friends of her own. But then she told me she wanted me to meet her friend Alyssa, saying how she thought we'd get along well.

So she did have friends after all, and again I asked myself, "Why is she going so out of her way to befriend me? Why is she being so nice to me?"

I think it must have taken me around a month or so to finally realize that this girl didn't have any hidden motives; she didn't want anything from me, she wasn't fake. She was absolutely 100% genuine. She really and truly wanted to be my friend, and she genuinely cared about me.

The rest, as they say, is history.

It amazed me recently - just this year in fact - that I had never thought to ask her why in the world she had been so persistent in reaching out to me, when so often I had received her kindness with aloofness and indifference.

Her reason (for her at least) was simple: "I just had a feeling that I should talk to you."

A feeling she continued to have, apparently, and a prompting she continued to follow diligently until she had reached through the wall I had built up around myself and gotten through to the unsure awkward girl inside.

Over the years we've both done some growing on our own during the times when we were apart for various reasons, but this past year in particular we've gotten closer than we ever were before.

I have no idea why on earth she was put into my life, or what I could possibly have ever done to deserve such an amazing person for a best friend, but I just thank God every day for sending her to me. She has saved my life over and over again over the years.

She befriended me when I had no one, she rescued me when I was lost spiritually, she's helped me put my heart back together when it was broken, been an example to me, been my support, my cheerleader, my wild side companion, and shared countless laughs, random adventures, midnight ramblings, great stories, and precious memories.

Hannah, I would just like to take this opportunity to say you are hands-down the best friend I have ever had, and I love you! I look forward to all that the future holds for us and our truly unique friendship, and I'm so glad that of anyone in this world you are my best friend.