Two Baptisms and an Endowment

Dear Grace,

I've slacked off in the last couple of months, simply because I was finishing up school and of late I've had a few other things going on in my life that I've been spending a fair amount of time and energy sorting through.

So, first off, March 12th was a freaking AWESOME day! Why? Because you and Garrison got BAPTIZED!!! If that wasn't already cool enough, I had the privilege to take out my own endowments in the temple as well that very evening. I wish I had taken the time to write down all of my thoughts on that day sooner, but life caught up with me, I guess, and I didn't really take the time to do so until I was asked to give a talk in Church about the blessings of the temple.

I want to share those thoughts with you now, if I may. I wish there was a way to convey all that I've felt and experienced, but words are but a weak means of capturing and sharing the things I now carry in my spirit.

Still, I'll do my best:

There are many blessings of the temple that we all are able to receive and enjoy when we live worthy of them, whether they be peace, clarity, safety, revelation, or doing work for those beyond the veil. For me, the temple is what brings families together and allows us to be together forever with our Heavenly Father.

All through my growing up years, my eldest siblings were unable to be a part of my life because of radical lifestyle they chose to lead. I remember as a child how I longed to have my brothers and sisters around like all of my friends did, even if we were to fight all the time.

Then, about a year and a half ago, an unexpected turn of events took place in my life just three days after my 22nd birthday. My oldest sister, Brooke, died suddenly of an overdose. Naturally a lot of soul searching and ups and downs followed, and I reflected long and hard about what it all meant. Ultimately, that experience strengthened my testimony and brought me closer than ever to the Lord, and surprisingly enough, to my sister as well. It was only six months later that I learned that the Lord could strengthen my testimony and love for Him even further, when my second oldest sister, Holly, also died, and in very miserable circumstances at that.

Suffice it to say, I struggled for a long time. Holly was the one sibling I had been closest with, and the fear of having lost her for eternity weighed heavily on my mind for months. It was during this time, that I had an experience that filled me with a desire to go through the temple to take out my own endowments. I set a goal to go to the temple and set a date for that special day, in the hopes that I would be able to do my sister’s temple work for her when the time came. No sooner had I done this than the adversary threw everything in his power against me to prevent my going.

I went through a period of despair. I feared I would never be ready to go to the temple, and felt like a failure and a weakling. Still, despite those challenges, I was determined to go, and I pushed forward and continued to prepare.

As the day drew closer, I received a letter from a mission friend of mine, in which she wrote, “The time for your endowment draws closer and closer, and I can’t help but be so anxious for you. The endowment is a literal gift, and one that I’m anxious for the lord to give you. Jo, you have so much light and knowledge awaiting you. It’s a blessing given to you based upon your faithfulness. You have a sacred responsibility to keep it that way - sacred.”

I can now tell you that the fiery darts of the adversary I experienced were necessary in preparing me to receive this special gift.

When the big day finally came, I excitedly presented my recommend at the front desk and entered the temple with my mother at my side. It was during the initiatory that, although I couldn’t see them, I gradually became aware of the presence of two women behind the temple worker in the room with me. And then the voices of Brooke and Holly came very clearly to my mind, “We’re here!”

Already overwhelmed by this blessing, during the session at the point in which we pray for the names of those on the temple prayer roll, I was struck with the memory of a time not so long ago during which my own name had been among those being prayed for. It overwhelmed me to realize that it was because of those who had attended the temple and prayed for me that I had been blessed to be upheld during my darkest hours. What’s more, I was blessed to now have the opportunity to bless the lives of others on the temple role just as I had been blessed.

It was then that I began to understand that you don’t have to have all of the answers to receive God’s blessings, and as my mission friend later wrote to me, “...you don’t have to understand to receive any of the blessings of the temple, you just have to live worthily of them. Bask in the the glory of, unlike school, not having to know anything to get an A+ and a gold star.”

Yet another blessing came, which later came to light when I learned that the same temple worker who had helped me through the veil was the woman who had been a second mother to my father during a difficult period in his own life.

The last experience came when I at last entered the celestial room. Out of all the people I had invited, I was the last to arrive, and as I walked into the celestial room I was greeted by the greatest sense of homecoming I had ever known. All of my family and several of my dearest friends were there to receive me.

For me personally, the work we do in the temple is among its greatest blessings, because it allows all of God’s children to have the opportunity to be with their loved ones forever. It gives everyone the chance - whether or not they take it - to come home and be received by their loved ones just as I was received by mine that night.

I can't tell you what will happen in the future. I can't tell you that things get better or worse, or that life may drag on monotonously forever into the abyss. I can't tell you what it will be like on the other side, and I definitely don't presume to know much of anything or have more than a handful of answers. For me, though, I don't have all the answers that I'd like to have, but God has given me the answers that I need to keep going. In time, more will come, I'm sure.

I have one last thought for you today, which has nothing to do with anything, but I wanted to share it anyway. I had a cool thought recently amidst the ramblings I was having with my brother Josh while I was driving him home. We were talking more or less about how one heals from loss by serving others. The first thing that came to my mind was something an old seminary teacher said once back in high school, "Whatever the lord lays his hands on lives. If He lays His hands on a sick man, he lives. If He lays His hands on a government, it lives. If He lays His hands on a marriage, it lives..."

You know, there's this statue somewhere in Europe where a statue of Christ was destroyed during the bombings in WWII. The people loved the statue so much that they gathered all of the fragments and reassembled the statue. Sadly though, the only part of the statue that was unsalvageable were His hands. After some debate about possibly hiring a sculptor to make new hands for the statue, they chose to leave it as it was, and instead created a plaque for it which reads, "You are my hands."

Thinking of all this then brought me back to the idea of serving others and being the lord's hands. When you are getting outside of yourself and serving others, you become the very thing he lays upon you to heal you: His hands. What better way then, to have God lay His healing hands upon you than to become them yourself?

I then mentioned how it's so hard for us as human beings to wrap our minds around such a backward concept of helping others in order to heal ourselves, when in our minds we think, "But I'm the one who's hurt. I'm the one who needs service." 

I love you so much, Gracie, and I hope you're doing well.

All my love,

<3 Katie Jo